Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Pregnant Wife Syndrome!

If I had a picture of my wife pregnant I'd post it. But it's midnight and I know I don't have one handy so I won't be complimenting my post with a lovely photo of my wife's ever expanding waistline. BUT She'd probably retaliate with a photo of my ever expanding waistline so it's really not worth it.

Faye (The cookie lady) inspired me to recall some of the today's events and post here for your reading pleasure. Her's is about the everchanging moods of a woman. It can be worse than the weather at times. But, Missy's moods are like her humor which could best be compared to Arizona. Her moods are pretty stable, HOT, and her humor DRY.

When Missy is pregnant the dynamic of our relationship gets modified ever so slightly. I'll never forget a certain moment with my brother-in-law Chad.

He married my sister. They dated for all of two weeks before he proposed marriage to her. They were married no more than six months after they'd ever met each other for the first time. Compare that to Missy and I. We began dating when she was sixteen and I was nineteen. I left for two years on my mission while she put some of her wild oats to rest. WE resumed dating promptly after I returned home from my mission...I'd say officially it was two days after I got home....know what I'm sayin???? wink wink ;) ;)

Missy and I practically co-habitated before we officially tied the knot in the D.C. Temple. We'd been corresponding/dating for over 3 years. So I knew what I was getting into for the most part, and she knew what she was getting into for the most part.

We'd been married for about five years when Amy (my sister) and Chad got married. Missy was about nine months pregnant with number two, Aspen Melba, and so we were at the climactic point of that relationship modification. Chad pulls me aside one hot summer evening just a few weeks after he'd married my sister and says:

"Jarrett can I ask you a question?"

Me: "Sure. What's up Chad?"
(I have a hunch he wants to findout how to have a great marriage like Missy and I. ANd he wants a little inside scoop as to how to really impress my sister.)

Chad: "I noticed, that every time Missy says something to you, you seem to roll your eyes in response. Why is that?"

ME: "Chad, when you get my sister nine months pregnant and everything she says to you is like fingernails on a chalkboard, you get back to me on that one buddy."

So, today, as I was ASSISTANT COACHING from the sidelines for the soccer team of Brighton, Missy kept nagging me to sit down and shut up. She's only about about six months pregnant right now. I really am the Assistant Coach, and yes I know that they don't encourage you to yell and bark directions from the sidelines, but it was the first game of the season, and the few adjustments that we made as a result of my yelling and barking, really helped the team, and really helped the girl I was trying to coach.

Missy loudly blurts out so that I and all the other parents can hear:

"Jarrett, they don't want you running up and down the field coaching from the sidelines!"

(NAILS on a chalkboard!!! Arrrrrgh!!!!)

So I loudly responded.

"I"M ASSISTANT COACHING HONEY! They want YOU the parent to cheer them on, and they want ME the ASSISTANT COACH, TO COACH! SO you the parent, should JUST CHEER PLEASE!"

(I'm sure I rolled my eyes.)

Eventually, I did sit down and quit doing my obnoxious coaching from the sidelines.

Guess what happens!

Our girls line up on the wrong end of the field and score A GOAL in the WRONG net!

Maybe I should be coaching instead of just sitting there trying to keep Ryder Ace from running out onto the field!

You should know, I'm the moody one in our relationship not Missy. It irritates me to no end that she never seems to have an emotional day. She's just constant. Constantly dragging her nails down that chalkboard.


Alice Wills Gold said...

Ah has Chad ever gotten the eye rolling thing down yet?

I have to say tbat I am the worst parent on the sidelines...I joked at soccer today that I seriously need to take a valium before I watch..I get all crazy! So tell Missy, she should come watch me in action at our girls' games...assistant coach or not, i am sure that I am 500% more obnoxious.

Rach said...

am I right in thinking that every time Missy gets pregnant, you get more emotional, not Missy? ;-)

I too take more of your approach from the sidelines, I just can't seem to sit and watch my child mess up! Dave is the same way, in fact a lot of the parents I see are yelling something at their children... even if we don't encourage it, we end up being more competitive than our children in the end!

Anonymous said...

Sorry as a mother I have to look out for my children, Brighton will leave almost every soccer game, never wanting to play again because Daddy "taught" her so much!! Let the kids play and have fun,they are competive enough on their own. They can learn at practice! As for me having "pregnant wife syndrome" I find myself to be extra pleasant, Jarrett is just. ..well he suffers "man syndrome" .

Mother 25 - 8 said...

I think Missy is the funniest girl alive and when I watch kids play at soccer games, I tend to lapse into my filipino-ness. "GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!" Or, "I"LL UMPIRE THE GAME! I'LL UMPIRE THE GAME!" Then back to, 'GOGOGOGOGOGO!"